I feel you backing away inch by inch each day, as you retreat I throw myself in your direction. If I execute my flawless act of perfection then maybe you will want me, you will value me, you will stay…
After each performance, I stand back breathless and exhausted. “was that enough” I ask myself. You pat me on the back a few times and leave the stage.
I close my eyes and relive our encounter, “I’m so lucky to have a partner” I think to myself with delight.
The following weeks you are late for rehearsal, your lines are all wrong…all of the warmth has disappeared. ‘This is a disaster” I whisper in your ear.
You don’t see your flaws…you think you can do it without a script. My words make you angry and push you further.
I wake myself with tears and pray we can get it right for opening night.
Endless time spent trying to prepare for you. I’m tiered and worn… I continue to play your understudy. “can I really play both rolls?” I murmur softly to an empty dress room…
The curtains open, the stage is hit with an explosion of light. You go to open your mouth and deliver the opening line…nothing. I panic and jump to your rescue. Acting out the perfect scene, I am flawless.
I take a bow and wave to the audience, close my eyes and think to myself “I am so lucky to have myself”.